Understanding Identity, Grief, and Connection: Supporting Adopted and Permanency-Involved Teens

Written by: Jean Skelton

In my last blog, I discussed how trauma- and attachment-informed therapeutic support can help parents, children, and teens understand the feelings and behaviours that sometimes arise, and make sense of them in ways that strengthen the parent-child relationship.

The Teen Years: A Time of Identity Exploration

Parents often seek support during the teen years, a time when adolescents are working to understand who they are in relation to their parents. For teens whose families were formed through permanency, including adoption, kinship care, customary care, or foster care, this developmental task can be especially complex. They are not only exploring how they are similar to and different from their parents, but also how they are connected to and distinct from their family of birth.

Questions That Naturally Arise

This process can become more complicated when a teen does not yet have a full understanding of their story, including the family they were born into, why they could not remain in that family, and where members of their birth family are today. During this stage, teens may also begin to wonder or worry about physical and mental health issues connected to their family of birth.

Making Sense of a More Complex Story

As teens’ capacity for complex thinking grows, they can reflect on their story in deeper and more nuanced ways. For example, they may understand why their birth parent or parents could not raise them, while also wondering why no one else in the immediate family was able to do so.

These questions can bring up many thoughts and feelings, often connected to grief and loss.

How Therapy Can Help

Support from someone who can help make sense of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that arise during the teen years can be deeply helpful. As teens and families better understand what may be underneath the behaviour, distress can lessen, connection can grow, and everyone can move toward a stronger sense of safety and support.

Jean provides specialized therapy for adoption and permanency-based families, offering guidance through moments of transition, uncertainty, and repair.

Book a free 15 minute consultation to explore how therapy can help you and your family.