When Your Child Says, “I Hate Diabetes”
“I hate diabetes.”
These words can be hard for a parent or caregiver to hear. You may feel an immediate urge to make things better and respond to your child with something like:
“But you’re so strong.”
“Your diabetes doesn’t stop you from doing anything.”
“At least you have technology to help.”
“Let’s think positively.”
Although these responses come from a place of love and wanting to protect your child from pain, they may actually dismiss their feelings, or unintentionally imply that their feelings are wrong. Often, when a child says “I hate diabetes”, they are looking for understanding and empathy, not to necessarily make the feeling go away. If a child feels that their feelings are not welcome, they may stop sharing them with you. This doesn’t mean those feelings have disappeared, it just means they simply learn to carry them alone.
Sometimes, diabetes really does feel unfair
Living with Type 1 Diabetes asks a lot of a child.
It can mean pausing an activity to respond to an alarm, treating a low when they would rather keep playing, changing an infusion set that hurts or waiting for insulin when they want to eat. It may mean being asked questions by classmates and peers, feeling watched by adults or having to think about their body in ways their friends do not.
Children can be resilient, capable and strong AND still hate having diabetes. Both can be true.
Empathy & connection before solutions
When your child says they hate diabetes, try beginning with empathy, curiosity and connection.
You might say:
“I can understand why you feel that way.”
“Diabetes asks so much of you.”
“It feels really unfair today.”
“You wish you could have a break from it.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“You don’t have to like diabetes, it’s really hard”
“I’m here with you.”
Responding in this way to your child does not mean that you agree everything is hopeless. You are actually communicating that your child’s feelings make sense and that they do not have to face those feelings alone.
Sometimes your child may want to talk. At other times, they may want quiet company, a hug, some space, movement or an activity that helps them settle. You can gently ask:
“Do you want me to listen, help you think about what might make this easier, or just stay with you for a bit?”
This gives your child some choice (something kiddos with T1D don’t always have a lot of) without asking them to manage the moment all by themselves.
Externalizing diabetes: Putting the problem outside the child
Children can sometimes begin to feel as though diabetes is part of who they are or that they are the problem when diabetes becomes difficult to manage.
Externalization is a therapeutic strategy that helps separate the child from the problem. Rather than viewing the child as difficult, uncooperative or “bad at diabetes,” we can become curious about diabetes as something that affects the child’s life.
You might invite your child to imagine:
If you could give your diabetes a name, what would you call it?
If your diabetes were a character or creature, what would it look like?
Would it be loud or quiet? Sneaky, bossy, demanding or unpredictable?
What colour would it be?
How big would it be today?
When does it cause the most trouble?
Are there times when it takes up less space?
What would you like to say to diabetes right now?
Your child might draw their diabetes, build it with clay, or act it out using toys. Older children may prefer to write a letter, create a comic or describe diabetes as a character in a story.
Let your child decide what their diabetes looks and sounds like. Try not to correct, soften or interpret their creation too quickly.
If your child wants to tell diabetes, “I hate you,” “Go away,” “You ruin everything,” or something even stronger, let them say it. Do not censor their words. They need a safe place where they can express what diabetes feels like without being asked to protect the adults around them or put a positive spin on their experience.
Externalizing does not mean ignoring diabetes or avoiding the care their body needs. It gives children a way to express anger, fear and frustration without turning those feelings against themselves. It can also help families shift from being in conflict with one another to standing together against the problem:
“It sounds like Bossy Diabetes made breakfast really hard this morning.”
“What did the Diabetes Monster try to take away from you today?”
“How did you stop Sneaky Diabetes from taking over your whole afternoon?”
“What do you need from me when diabetes gets this loud?”
The message becomes: You are not the problem. Diabetes is creating a problem, and we can respond to it together.
Make room for anger without making it dangerous
Anger is not a bad feeling. It can communicate that something is unfair, exhausting, painful or outside a child’s control. Children need safe ways to express that anger. Depending on their age and personality, this might include:
Writing an uncensored letter to diabetes
Drawing a picture of everything they dislike about diabetes
Stomping, running or shaking out their arms
Hitting a pillow
Ripping scrap paper
Using toys to show what the day felt like
Sitting with a trusted adult without needing to talk
The goal is not to talk your child out of feeling angry. It is to help them experience anger safely, with the support of a regulated adult. You can hold both an emotional boundary and a safety boundary:
“It is okay to be angry about diabetes. I won’t let you hurt yourself or someone else. I will stay with you while we find a safe way to let the anger out.”
Staying emotionally steady does not mean being emotionless
Hearing that your child hates diabetes may bring up your own grief, fear, guilt or helplessness. You may wish you could take diabetes away from them. You may also be exhausted by the constant monitoring, planning and decision-making involved in keeping them safe. Being emotionally steady does not mean pretending you are unaffected. It means trying not to make your child responsible for calming your feelings while they are struggling with their own.
You might pause, take a breath and remind yourself:
“My child is having a feeling. I do not have to fix it immediately.”
“I can listen without having all the answers.”
“This moment is hard, but we can move through it together.”
Caregivers also deserve places where they can speak honestly about their own feelings. Support from a partner, friend, diabetes community or therapist can make it easier to remain present when a child expresses big emotions.
Problem-solving can come later
There may be something practical contributing to your child’s distress. Perhaps diabetes alarms have been interrupting class. Site changes have become frightening. They are tired of answering questions from friends or frustrated by how often diabetes interrupts activities.These concerns matter, but your child may be more able to problem-solve after they feel heard. Once the intensity has settled, you could ask:
“Was there something especially hard about diabetes today?”
“Is there one part you wish adults understood better?”
“Would you like us to think together about what could make that part a little easier?”
Not every problem can be solved. Sometimes the most honest response is:
“I wish I could take this away. I can’t, but I will keep helping you carry it.”
Your child is more than their resilience
Children with T1D are often described as brave, strong and resilient. These strengths deserve recognition, but children should not feel that they must perform strength all the time.
They are allowed to be tired.
They are allowed to feel sad.
They are allowed to be angry.
They are allowed to wish diabetes were not part of their lives.
Resilience does not mean never struggling. It grows when children learn that difficult feelings can be expressed, understood and survived and that trusted adults will stay connected to them through those feelings.
When your child says, “I hate diabetes,” you do not need the perfect response. Your calm presence, willingness to listen and ability to acknowledge the unfairness may be far more meaningful than any solution.
Sometimes the most powerful message is simply:
“I know. This is really hard. You don’t have to carry it by yourself.”
Connected Roots Therapy provides compassionate, specialized mental health support for children, teens and families navigating the emotional impact of Type 1 Diabetes. We offer in-person therapy in Ottawa and virtual therapy across Ontario. If diabetes is affecting your child’s emotional well-being or family relationships, we invite you to reach out for a free consultation.